I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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