I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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