that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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