i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
