Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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