Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I deserve this hangover.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
