dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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