He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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