i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
