I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
ugly people sure do ruin things
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
