my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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