either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
