well I can't set my house on fire every night
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
