I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
