In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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