plz talk dirty to me
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
farters have to be the big spoon...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
