Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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