remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
