you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Can you bring me the toilet please
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
