All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
