i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
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My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
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I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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