Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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