You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
