She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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