you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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