peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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