Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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