someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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