Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
