is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
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