I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
