Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
