i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Randomize
