Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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