i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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