I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
