I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
