Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Nicole vs. Life
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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