How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
