I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize