My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
