i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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