Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
