we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
