He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
