Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
