So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
