I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
