Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
