nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
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It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
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He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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