Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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