So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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