last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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