Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
