I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
