You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
