I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i permit you to call me
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This house was built for laser tag.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
