And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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