I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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