She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
