Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
