did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
