I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
