So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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