there's paper in my vomit.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
