Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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