Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize