Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
