If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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