Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
