hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
