It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize