When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
