what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
