Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
