I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
