Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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